This Sunday coming up would have been me and my X's 4 year anniversary. I have been thinking alot about him, I have been wondering if I was the one that ruined our reltionship? I blamed him for a long time, now I wonder. I really do wish I would have been more of a bitch. I took it so easy. He just was like one of us has to move out, and I left. I just walked away from everything. I wish that when I started having evil thoughts that I acted out on them. That's not me though. I wanted to draw a line down the center of the house and demolish one half of it. I wanted him to hurt so bad. I don't think that way so much now, but I do think about what I could have done.

Things worked out great though. I met Z. I love him dearly even though his work ethics suck. I just don't think he ever learned. I don't think he nows what it's like to have to pay bills. He has never lived on his own.

I need to get very serious about pulling my life together. I feel like I have been all talk and no action. I get excited about changing for the better, than it lasts for a week and then i'm back to my old habits. I have managed to keep in positive spirits though. I still feel great. Maybe I'm not doing so well in all aspects of my life, but I'm not beating myself up over it anymore. That's a great accomplishment for me. I'm trying to do the best with what I have at this moment. One day at a time.