Me and Z had sex the other night. It was really good. We hadn't had sex for a few weeks, maybe three. I just didn't feel like it. What's the point sometimes. I love him and all, but with not treating each othet so nicely, how do you get into the mood. We have been doing alot better though. We have been communicating well. Sometimes sex only seems to happen when he wants it, and when I want it I get pushed away. He says why should he do something he doesn't feel like, so it was 3 weeks.

I really put myself in a place I really don't want to be yesterday. I recalled to myself how my doctor said my brother might hear voices. I thought about this for a long time. My brother always talks to himself, but different from how others talk to themselves. Almost like the object he is talking to is a living breathing thing. Yesterday he asked the pot of boiled water if it was hot. So I asked him if he has been hearing voices, he first said yes, doesn't everybody? I responded that I didn't, that I only hear my own. And he just kind of looked at me and said that that's all he heard also. I'm wondering if he really does hear voices. Anyway, so me and Z went out and when we came home my bother was having problems with his computer, so I told him to curse it, he was like, why, so you can tell me how I talk to myself all the time. Now I know that by me asking him this that it must have bothered him all day.

I only asked him because I care about him and love him, and I know he has alot of mental issues that need to get taken care of, he just won't go get help. I aksed him because I want to make sure he is okay. Is that the caretaker in me? I don't know. Doesn't everyone care about the people in their lives? He never understands people. He never understands that some people do have good intentions.

Now what do I do? Do I apologize to him?Try to explain to him? Will any of it make a difference? I now feel guilty for trying to help. How do I fix this?