Anyway, I came home to Z cleaning the bedroom. It has been a disaster for quite sometime. We only live in this tiny room, that is filled with soooo much of our stuff. It gets messy quick and often. It's hard to keep things in order when you have no where to put stuff. Z even dusted and vacuumed. I was impressed. Yesterday, Z did the dishes and cleaned the downstairs. Z has really been helping me out, but I still don't think that he is doing much about seriously looking for a job.

Sometimes I wonder if I married a man who will forever be unmotivated to do anything with there life, other than hang out with friends. I love him so much, I just hate the not working part. He is collecting unemployment and has called about alot of jobs, and filled out applications. I still feel he is not trying his hardest though. This adds added stress to our marriage. This adds stress to me. He is so good for me in every other way. I would hate to think money will be the thing to pull us apart. I just want to feel secure.

I have no idea what is going to happen at work tomorrow. I know that I will never be fired because I didn't really do anything wrong. I just don't care anymore, and it shows. I have even made it loud and clear, and I don't hide it anymore. I just do what I have to do. I suppose the manager already heard about it even though she had off of work today. I also suppose that tomorrow the manager will want to discuss it with me. I don't know exactly what to say. All my complaints are so petty. I often view my complaints as childish even though everyone always agrees with me. I hate working in that environment. I hate having stress at home, with 2 people out of work, and then going to work and being stressed out about how much I hate everything about my job.

I have no idea what I am doing with my life, all I know, is I better find out and start doing it.