Bravenet.com .
0 comments so far
Monday, Jan. 12, 2004 :: 7:17 P.M.
The last few days have been interesting.

On Thursday I kicked Z out of the house. He was supposed to get up early to go to school to make up the time he had missed. He was still in bed at 11 am. The alarm was set for 6. His excuse for not getting up was that his stomach was bothering him. He just always seemed to have an excuse. So I told him that I needed him to leave because I didn't want to start hating him.

He did leave. I went to the bank while he was getting some of his things together. I didn't know what to do with myself when I got back and he was not here. I waited 2 hours, and finally I called to see if he was alright. He wasn't, and neither was I. He had went to a friend's house to talk. We talked for about a good 45 minutes, and then I told him I wanted him to come home.

Things have been alot different since Thursday. We are more appreciative of each other. I am managing to control my urges to stick my fingers and hands all over him, causing him to become aggravated.

I still cannot stand myself. I lost 4 pounds. I was sooooo happy. But somehow, after eating a cheesesteak I gained 4 pounds back. I am so sick of food, and I am sick of myself. I don't know how to correct this problem. I want to scream, and I want to cry.

Part of the weight problem is that I have no money. The three of us here don't have a cent to our name. We are so poor that we have been scrounging up change to buy ourselves things like food. We cannot afford to buy good food. It's cheaper for three of us to get a meal at McDonald's, rather than go to the supermarket to buy a meal. You know, you need things to go with that meal, like butter, sometimes oil. Another part of the wieght problem is motivation. I have absolutely nothing to look forward too. I think if I lost weight my life would be happy.

I am still angry. I have no idea what I am angry about. I am still angry about X. I am angry about his fucked-up mother, thank God I do not have to deal with her anymore. I am angry that my mother never is able to recognize that their are problems. I hate that my mother went through life without ever talking with me. I am angry.

I just want to scream and holler, and cry. I want to sleep, and scream some more.

I am so digusted.

Last 5 Entries:
Sprained ankle. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Seventh Day. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Third day. - Saturday, Feb. 28, 2004
The second day. - Friday, Feb. 27, 2004
Start. - Thursday, Feb. 26, 2004