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2003-02-28 :: 1:51 p.m.
I put my mittens on. When I put them on, I think more clearly. That's all I seem to do lately is think. I wish i could put the world on hold until I find myself. I wish that for a minimum of maybe, 7 days, to not have to worry about feeding myself, showering, cleaning, daily routine stuff. I wish someone would just take care of me. Someone to bathe me, rub me, nourish me, just to hold me. I just think I need time. Time to think, time to dream, tip to get my life into some order.

I wish I knew how to keep my mouth shut. I love to talk. Talking doesn't get me into any kind of trouble or anything like that, but talking lets people know. Knowing can be scary. People often times judge you wrongly for your opinions. I wish for a couple of days, to not utter a single word. Let the world happen around me, listen for once in my life to what everyone is saying.

I wish I could find me. Find out who I really am. I have been searching for so long, I am afraid that maybe I have given up already, and I am not ready to try any longer. The problem is, I don't have a clue to any of the answers. The answers of life. I know that no one knows, but I HAVE to know. I am a black and white mind, there are no shades of grey. Grey is scary to me. All my life I was able to answer my own questions, and now I'm not so sure that I am able to do that now. I want someone else to take over. I want someone else to take over my life for awhile, schedule my activities, make my meals, bathe me, write my bills out. I don't want to do anything for myself, for once in my life. I want to know what that feels like. I need to know.

Last 5 Entries:
Sprained ankle. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Seventh Day. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Third day. - Saturday, Feb. 28, 2004
The second day. - Friday, Feb. 27, 2004
Start. - Thursday, Feb. 26, 2004