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Monday, Oct. 06, 2003 :: 9:21 A.M.
Today is the day me and Z decided to live a better life. Get things back on track. I hope this works.

I have been wondering if I made a mistake when I married him or had gotten involved. I did not know how horrible his work ethics were. Now I feel like I am stuck. Yes, I love everything else about him, it's just his money situation, and work habits.

I feel as though my life is totally fucking screwed. I just want to scream. I feel like I am the only one to blame for all my problems. Yes, Z was involved with helping me screw it all up, but I take full blame. I am an adult.

I am embarrassed to tell anyone how my life is. I don't even have anything great to speak about when asked. I try not to tell a soul how fucked up I am inside from all the stress.

We are living like homeless people. Yes- we have a house, we live with my brother. But- I am the only one working and none of us have the money to pay the mortgage. The electric is getting shut off soon. I only have one pair of pants for everyday wear, I just keep washing them and then I wear them for 2 or 3 days. We are always scrapping money together to get something to eat.

My credit is seriously fucked. I had perfect credit. But since Z only has been working when he feels like it, my credit is now down to about 500. I must say that Z didn't find a job, but has been doing side work for the last 2 weeks. So we do have some money coming in.

I don't know what the hell to do with myself.

Last 5 Entries:
Sprained ankle. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Seventh Day. - Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Third day. - Saturday, Feb. 28, 2004
The second day. - Friday, Feb. 27, 2004
Start. - Thursday, Feb. 26, 2004