I have not found a 'real job', but I do have one. During the day Monday through Friday I go to Z's mother's house and help her take care of her sickly mother. They pay me $15 an hour. I have never gotten paid so well. I make up my own hours basically. I do all sorts of things while I am there. I get Z's grandmother up in the morning, shower her every other day, help her get dressed, bring her down the steps in the morning. I make her breakfast, and then basically do nothing till lunch, then I make her lunch. On some days I do all the laundry in the house, and I get paid extra for that, and on Thursdays I clean the whole house and I get paid extra for that. Then when I come home I cut hair on the side for extra cash. I have been making about $500 a week, I have never in my life made this kind of money.

I have finally been able to pay my bills and have left over money. This job of course might not last for forever, but it's a start to get me on the right track. I can finally smile about the money situation.

Z is still looking for a job, or is he? I don't really know, and I really don't care. He pays his own bills and I pay my own bills, and I don't ask him for any money, and I surely don't give him extra cash. I may buy him cigarettes and food and shit like that if he needs it, but he would do the same for me, and has. But I DO NOT ever pay his bills, those are his responsibility.

The only thing right now I am disgusted with in life is my weight and how I look in the mirror. I cannot seem to stop shoving food into my mouth. I eat even when I am not hungry. I don't know how to stop this. I hate how I look. I am not comfortable with the way I look. I must do something about this, and do it soon.