Z is working a side job, thank God. We desperately need the money. None of my bills have gotten paid yet, some are over 2 weeks late. Fuck....... my credit is going to be screwed.

I have been selling some of my things on Ebay. I need the extra money. I looked through all my crap and found things that I would either never wear again, or things that don't fit me because of the weight gain. I even put up some of my jewelry. So far I made $16. That's not bad.

I have been trying to not touch my skin anymore. I have a habit of making small blemishes sores. I have poked my face with pins to get the pus out of my pimples. For some reason my face has exploded the last couple of weeks. Stress? I'm embarrassed of my skin, but that doesn't stop me from making it worse. Sometimes I just cannot stop touching my face, poking my face, pricking my face, squeezing it, whatever it takes. I know the consquences before I begin, but in my mind I think that I am helping it look better. OCD......... please leave me alone.

I have been doing better with the medication I switched to. I feel great on the inside. I am still worrying about money and bills and stuff like that, but I should be. Other than that I feel great. On the outside I don't feel so well. I feel fat, I can't stop shoving fatty foods into my mouth. I gained so much weight and have no motivation to change it. I have no clothes that fit me, so I don't feel good even after I have showered, done my hair, and have gotten dressed.

I don't have any money at all. I have the change that is at the bottom of my hand bag. I am the only one working in the household. It's not easy. My brother's unemployment is about to run out I think next week, with no jobs in site. He has sent out about 100 resumes, still no luck. Z has been trying to get a job, no one has called him back, and he didn't make enough money this year to collect unemployment. I don't know how we are going to make it.

We sometimes don't have any money to buy food, or toilet paper, or soap.

Why do things seem to be getting worse?

And of course today is my dog's birthday. He's 5. I miss him so much, but unfortunately I'm not allowed to see him. The X says it causes problems in his relationship. I love that dog. I just want to be able to spend one more day with him. If I ever got that chance, I have no where to bring him. My brother doesn't want the dog in his house, because he tortures the cats and becomes obssessed with them. My dog is huge, and there is nothing worse than getting trampled on by a big huge dog. If the dog knows there are cats around, he freaks out, and nothing will stop him from finding them. He would never harm the cats, he just wants to play, but the cats never understand that.