So, the other day, my 3 year old car just died. It just turned itself off. We tried for a few hours to get it started, but nothing. We checked it for enough water, oil, gas, we even checked all the fuses. We had no idea what had happened. It just didn't want to work. We had to have a friend drive us home.

Then the next day, we go back to the car, and it starts right up. But we had to leave it because we were late for a wedding, we decided to get it to the dealer the next day.

The next day, Z goes to the car, drives it to the dealer which was about 4 blocks away, and the damn thing shuts off during rush hour traffic!!! Luckily(sp?), Z was able to pull onto a median strip and wait for AAA to come tow him.

The dealer then calls us and tells me that my warranty is void, because I drove it 12,000 over what I was allowed, and it's going to cost almost $800 to fix it. YUCK! I had three more years left!!!!!!!!

Anyway I left work early so I could pick my car up, and I really thought we were going, but unfortunately, we don't have the money to pay for it.

Z was on his way to a poker game, and I think I took a childish tantrum...... I was complaining about how I have no idea why we don't have the money..... when I think I know why. We are poor. I also was irritated that he was going out to play poker, instead of spending time with me. I have no idea why I do this. There was no reason for it. Then we have a big arguement, and I scream at him to just go play poker....... he leaves. Now I know he feels guilty, I'm sad, for no reason, I just don't get it. I feel fine now. But when he comes home then Z will still feel like crap, even if I apologize. So what hell do I do? I try not to do it. I have no idea why I do it. I act like a big baby, but I have no idea that I am doing it, while I am doing it.

Jebus..... sometimes I hate me. It's so hard to control myself. I'm old enough I should know better! How do I ever make it up to Z? How many times will he allow me to do this? He has been very understanding, and he knows I have very many problems. He loves me no matter what. Isn't that the way love should be? No matter what, I still love you. But how many times, will he look away?