Yesterday I slept until 10 pm last night. I never got out of bed, except to piss, and eat. Now I have been up since quarter to five this morning.

Z and I have not been doing too well. I am at his throat for every little thing he has done wrong or does wrong. I just can't help it. I lost alot of respect for him. After watching him never go to work, it's going to take time for me to gain respect for him. I feel because of this he doesn't want to be with me. We hardly even talk anymore. WE JUST GOT MARRIED! We are having so many problems. It's so stupid because it's about money and bills. I do love him, but lately sometimes I don't like him. So sad.

Z is the best thing that ever happened to me. He's a wonderful person. He's so calm about everything. We used to be magical together. How do things change so quickly? I need to start treating him better, but I don't know where to begin. I am not just trying to be a bitch. To Z that what it seems like, all an act, just to make him feel like crap. Maybe if Z did what he is supposed to do in life, I wouldn't have to worry so much.

Maybe I am the one causing all the problems. It is possible. Maybe I am angry at him, at everyone, at life. I can't seem to correct this problem.

I have been feeling down because this was my period week. I also switched meds, it's side effects are driving me crazy. I have no clothes that fit me properly because I keep gaining weight. The clothes that I do have are falling apart and some have stains on them from work. I have a few nice things which I seem to wear more than once a week. I don't even own sneakers because I have not been able to afford them for the last six months.

I need to fix me. I need to start living. I need to wake up. Maybe I will be able to do it today.